Hurry hurry!!!

A man comes rushing home, screeching his car into the driveway, and bursting through the doors into the house.  He slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey, hurry! pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The wife excitedly replies, “Oh my God honey! That’s great! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” he […]

I know you!!!

A guy goes into a supermarket and while walking down one aisle, a beautiful blond at the end of the aisle waves at him and says, “Hello”. He’s rather taken back, because he can’t place where he knows her. So he says “do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my children.” Now […]

Sinners

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airport.  After a few minutes of silence the Priest looks over and says, “Rabbi, is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?” the Rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.” The Priest then asked, “Well have you ever tasted […]

Coffee shop prizes.

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!” The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?” But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a […]

Police in heaven

St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through […]

Expensive frog!

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his […]

A brave soul

A guy just died and is standing at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through a big book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the book several times and furrows his brow. “You know, I can’t see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you […]

Real Biker

An old biker decked out in his leather chaps, jacket and boots with faded jeans and a Harley T-shirt went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the biker and asked him, “Are you a real biker?” He replied, “Well, […]

Cold parrot

A man owns a parrot that swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets out of control. The guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and […]

What did he say?

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a rest stop where two bikers are leaning against their bikes. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two bikers just stare at him. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first biker […]